Thomas Jefferson: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Everything by Maira Kalman

Thomas Jefferson: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Everything by Maira Kalman

Rating: 2 stars

It's never a good sign when you wait until the day a book is due to read it.

For a bunch of small reasons, this new book about a President I respect a whole lot sure didn't work for me.  I know why it didn't get much attention from Lorelei (who, besides me, is the main reader of this type of nonfiction picture book in our house): there is no story. I know that she read it, but there is no tale or rise and fall and resolution pattern that is what is usually needed to grab a child's interest.

I know this next reason I didn't like it is a random quibble, but the font is also a very strange choice: it's a mix between Times New Roman and a casual, handwritten-like font that includes a whole lot of cursive.  In schools around us, cursive is taught in third grade.  But this is a book allegedly aimed for 5 to 8 year olds.  Hmm.

Thomas Jefferson: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Everything is, basically, a long list of the things in which Thomas Jefferson was interested.  Though Kalman never uses this term, it is an explanation of how he was a renaissance man.  He read on many subjects, spoke half a dozen languages, cared for his farm, designed his own house, practiced the violin three hours a day, wound the clock in his kitchen daily.

Monticello, which means "Little Mountain" in Italian

Kalman also boldly includes how Jefferson, who wrote how horrid slavery was, also owned slaves.  She even--this surprised me very much--talks about how, after his beloved wife died, he allegedly "had children with the beautiful Sally Hemings," one of his slaves.

Kalman includes her own parenthetical musings every few sentences.  After she paraphrases one of Thomas Jefferson's long-winded quotations as "Don't be lazy," she includes "(It is boring to be lazy.)" After she reports that Thomas Jefferson's favorite vegetable was peas, she includes "Peas are really wonderful and fun to count." After explaining how Thomas Jefferson had fierce tribal shields on his walls that could give you nightmares she writes "(Ugh. Nightmares. Why do we have them?)"

I'm baffled by this book.

Fall Ball by Peter McCarty

Fall Ball by Peter McCarty

Rating: 2 stars

Hmm.  I hope I don't offend any football-watching enthusiasts out there, but...this book is not for me.

Peter McCarty's unique, soft illustrations show a handful of kids enjoying a few great things in the great season of fall.  They suit themselves up in light coats to keep themselves warm against the chill. They bounce like crazy over a bump while coming home on the school bus.  They enjoy leaves blowing all around them.  And they enjoy a fine game of football on a leaf-filled field.

Then, it starts to get dark.  Earlier than they would like.  Another fall thing, right?

So they give up the game and pile on the sofa and watch football on TV instead.

Say whaaaaat?

How can a children's book's happy-ending involve watching TV?!  I know: I admit that TV watching isn't abhorrent all the time, and that some bonding can occur, especially when the TV watching involves sports and boys, big and small.  But STILL.  I just can't love a book that lauds it.  I sure wish that the kids in this book had creatively rigged some lights, or worn headlamps in order to play longer, or found a way to take the game indoors.

Again, sorry to those football-watchers out there.  I don't hate you, promise!  But please do balance your watching with playing and you're all right by me.

The Astonishing Secret of Awesome Man by Michael Chabon

The Astonishing Secret of Awesome Man by Michael Chabon, illustrated by Jake Parker

Rating: 2 stars

This book just couldn't commit.

It has one superhero boot-clad foot on the side of the sweeter stories with flying, masked men who are actually cute kids.  They do good deeds as their capes swirl around them.  The superhero--Awesome Man--in this story is totally imaginary--all adventures in the book are completely in his head.  But it also has one superhero boot-clad foot in the traditional, violent stories where these same masked men hit their enemies, throw things, destroy vehicles.  All of this is done while wearing what we call in our house a "mean face."

The story, too, is all over the place.  Despite all of the sentences on each and every page, we really don't get to know the hero at all.  The story line is jumbled up and we get bits and pieces of where he comes from and what he does while he bashes this and bruises that.  There are a bunch of enemies; too many to really understand one or two very well.  We don't realize that he's a boy until the end (that's his astonishing secret), when he throws a "power grip"--also known as a hug--around his mom.  For that reason, we don't get good part of the traditional superhero story: A normal kid, probably unpopular in one way or another, transforms into a hero and helps the very people who belittle him when he's normal.  

Lorelei and Ben think the pictures are pretty cool--disturbingly, the one where Awesome Man shoots positronic rays out of his eyeballs in order to decapitate a giant killer robot is one of their favorites.  I think this is my first "what's cool is not good" lesson...not that I really spilled all these thoughts to them, but...  I'm guessing this won't be my last lesson in this genre.  I have those teenage years to look forward to!

I don't think the author thought about his audience while writing this book.  The language requires kids to be pretty old for this book, but I can't imagine a kid older than 6 wanting to read it.  Lorelei, 5, who really has a wide range of facts in her little brain, is left confused about what "postitronic rays" are, and then here I am explaining "arch nemesis" and "force shield," too...  So this is a book for Ben's age?  I don't think so...

We'll be taking this book back to the library today...won't miss it at all!

Bumble Bugs and Elephants by Margaret Wise Brown, illustrated by Clement Hurd

Bumble Bugs and Elephants by Margaret Wise Brown, illustrated by Clement Hurd

Rating: 2 stars

Really, this book just makes me envious.

Oh to be a proven author, creator of dozens of wonderfully-selling children's books!  What is it like to be SO GOOD that you can write a book about not much at all?  Just a gathering of big animals and small animals?

Don't think there's more to the story.  I just hesitated to type "story" because...there really isn't one.

And please, will someone please tell me what a bumble bug is?

Here are the first pages of the book:

Once upon a time there was a great big bumble bug
and a tiny little bumble bug
And there was a great big butterfly
and a little tiny butterfly
There was a great big red bird
and a tiny little black bird
And a tiny little turtle
and a great big turtle

The book goes on like this, gathering small and big versions of a species. 

It's a book of opposites, but...neither the prose nor the illustrations engage my kiddos, who are actually pretty easy to impress.  All in all, the only reason I want you to check it out is so that we can be baffled together.

The Sniffles for Bear by Bonny Becker, illustrated by Kady MacDonald Denton

The Sniffles for Bear by Bonny Becker, illustrated by Kady MacDonald Denton

Rating: 2 stars

I don't often review books that aren't that great.  There are so many great ones, why waste my time pointing out the not-so-awesome ones?  (And I think I say that every time.)  But this one's flaws are downright funny, so I thought I'd share...

This silly illustration saved the book a bit...

The book starts off fine...  Bear is sick, and Mouse wants to help him feel better.  Bear breaks out all the drama and insists to Mouse that he is dying.  As I read this to Lorelei, I found myself cringing--I don't really want to encourage drama like this.  I have little patience for making something a bigger deal than it is.  I've been known to say, "Just wash it off in the creek!" when someone cuts themselves while playing in our woods.  Sympathy?  Um, I don't have a ton of it.

Mouse tries to cheer up Bear in a number of ways, but grumpy Bear will have none of it, and rudely cuts down Mouse's efforts.  In fact, Bear is so insistent on his impending death that he asks Mouse to help him write his will.

Um...excuse me?  Now I'm explaining what a will is to my 5 year old?  How is this appropriate?  Luckily, I actually didn't have to explain why Bear was bequeathing his roller skates, wash bucket, and teakettle.  Even though "bequeath" is such a fun word...

This book was put back in the library bag after one reading.  I'd like my kids to stay in their bubble of ignorance on everything related to death for as long as possible, thank you very much.

Pinkalicious (series) by Victoria Kann

Pinkalicious (series) by Victoria Kann

Overall rating: 2 stars

My husband was giving me a hard time the other day about the fact that I don't have many books that are rated 2 or 3 stars.  I explained to him that it pains me to use my few writing minutes to write about a bad book when there are so many good books out there...  But since Lorelei insisted we check almost every single one of these books out from the library, I feel compelled to blog about these silly books.

In short, they are the equivalent of cheap plastic toys that get played with a few times and then left in the playroom to take up space and gather dust. 

The only one with any redeeming qualities is the original Pinkalicious, because it has the saying: "You get what you get, and you don't get upset."  Of course, the little girl does get upset, so it's not much of a learning moment for her.  But the gist of the story is that Pinkalicious (what is her real name?!) eats too many pink cupcakes even after her parents tell her to stop, and she turns pink.  She even eats more after that; only when she turns red does she heed her doctor's advice and eat everything green in her family's refrigerator. 

In Pink Around the Rink Pinkalicious' mom surprises her with a brand new pair of ice skates, which Pinkalicious promptly colors--with a marker!--pink.  Her parents are only mildly annoyed (and her father has a hint of a smile/smirk).  Though she thinks she'll be graceful, she's not, and her pink skates leave tracks of her non-graceful-ness.  And the pink rubs off.  Her mom comforts her: "Now they're unique, like you."  What?!  That's how you take care of personal property?!  Not in our house.

Goldalicious is pretty hard to read.  Ok, so Pinkalicious has an active imagination and imagines that she has a unicorn named Goldicious--thankfully a less atrocious "Goldie" for short--who follows her around.  She even lets her little brother "play" with Goldie.  I don't know what else to say but this book might never get checked out again unless it's while Grammy is visiting and I'm not around to read it.

In another paperback book, Tickled Pink, Pinkalicous is sharing a joke book with all her friends.  While everyone is laughing around her, the class bully (dressed in black, of course) challenges her to come up with a joke of her own.  She thinks of one in the middle of the night and, though she thinks she'll flop, she comes out on top by tickling everyone pink.  I guess this one isn't horrible, but it isn't that great, either.

I don't even want to waste your time by describing the rest of them.  Lazy?  Maybe, but...you get the idea.  While I'm glad Lorelei is interested in books, and almost any book is better than no book at all, I would probably return these if someone gave her them as a gift.  There are too many other wonderful ones, and these are just plain silly.

A Know-Nothing Halloween by Michele Sobel Spirn

A Know-Nothing Halloween by Michele Sobel Spirn, illustrated by R.W. Alley

Rating: 2 stars

I walked into the house today from my weekly morning out without kids to hear our sitter reading this book to Lorelei.  I told Miss Chloe, "I just rescued you from finishing that book!"  She gave me a thankful look and told me it was giving her a headache--I knew she wasn't exaggerating much.  Here's a little example of what is in the loooooooong (three little chapters!) book:

"We could trick-or-treat."
"How do we do that?" asked Morris.
"We go to people's houses and do tricks for them," said Norris.
"Then they give us treats."
"I don't know any tricks," said Boris.
"Maybe Floris knows some tricks," said Norris.
"Sit, Floris."
"I don't think Floris knows that trick," said Morris.
"Roll over, Floris," said Norris.
"Floris does not know that trick either," said Morris.
"Stand on four legs, Floris," said Norris.
"What a great trick," said Morris.
"Floris is such a clever dog," said Boris.

Good grief.  I hope that your children will not find these in the library.  If the do, consider hiding it immediately after you come home, in a place even the sitter can't find.

It's All About Me! by Nancy Cote

It's All About Me! by Nancy Cote

Rating: 2 stars

I don't even want to waste much time on this one.  In our family, no one has the luxury of saying, "It's all about me!"  Except maybe on their birthday.  For a few minutes.

Because it's NOT all about one person.  We had our kids close enough together (18 months) that Lorelei never once wished her brother would "disappear" like this big brother wants his little brother to disappear.  Or maybe--just maybe, just throwing it out there--it has something to do with our high expectations of her as a big sister.  I'll never know why, but I do know we're lucky to have done something right somewhere along the way.

Here are the two stanzas that kill me about this book: "If Mommy tells me I'm the best / And Daddy tells me, too / Then why'd they want another one? / Oh, I hope that it's not true" and "When Mommy says he looks so cute / I don't know what she sees / I hope that baby disappears / And then she'll just have me."

Now, even with my harsh words, if you've found yourself in the unhappy situation where your older resents your younger, I guess this is a book you might want to read.  But hopefully we can prevent the situation by resisting the temptation to allow the first child to think "it's all about me" even when they're the only one around.  If I find some sibling non-rivalry pixie dust, I'll be sure to market it.

What the No-Good Baby is Good For by Elise Broach

What the No-Good Baby is Good For by Elise Broach, illustrated by Abby Carter

Rating: 2 stars

We love Elise Broach, but...this book is not great.  We are throwing it into the sad, big pile of books-that-assume-big-siblings-hate-their-little-siblings.  It sure isn't for us, and it makes me wonder who would welcome a book like this into their house?  I hope there aren't many people out there, because it sure doesn't help promote a loving family atmosphere that we'd like to pretend we'll have for longer than the next few years. 

Please don't burst our bubble if you think this is untrue.  We are really enjoying our kids' relationship with each other right now!

In this book, the big brother resents his baby sister, says she's good for nothing, and wants to get rid of her.  "It's time for the baby to go," he says.  And then, the mother says, to his and my surprise, "I guess you're right."  Together, they help pack her belongings.  As they pack, the big brother realizes that the very things that his baby sister does to annoy him--throw Cheerios on the floor, pull the cat's tail, make noise at the library--could actually be seen as good things.  So he and his mother decide to just send the baby sister away for the day--to Grandma's eager arms--and spend the day together.

Obviously, there are some redeeming qualities here:

• The big brother learns that attitude and perspective is everything, and if he looks at his baby sister through a more positive lens, the scene is better.  That's definitely an important lesson.
   
• The mother recognizes her son's need for some time apart from the baby, and some time spent just with her.  That's another important lesson in new-sibling-hood--that while you do have to share everything (including mom) everyday and all day long, taking a break once in a while is healthy and refreshing and wonderful.

Still, we've had this book from the library for over a week and Lorelei and Ben haven't seen it.  I don't really want "no-good baby" in their vocabulary for a few seconds, let alone years.  I wish that Elise Broach had just changed the title and text to be more positive, because then the book would be better. 

But the book still rests on the premise that the big brother doesn't like the baby sister, and I just don't want to be the one responsible for putting that idea into my own children's heads.  Things are going swimmingly now, with Lorelei believing--rightly, we think--that Ben is a wonderful addition to the family.

Nobody Asked Me If I Wanted a Baby Sister by Martha Alexander

Nobody Asked Me If I Wanted a Baby Sister by Martha Alexander

Rating: 2 stars

I hid this book mostly because of the title.  Here in our house, Lorelei and Ben don't get a whole lot of opportunities to voice their opinions on matters that don't involve their toys and lunches and activities.  And even on those matters they don't always get a choice.  I'm into free will and all, but I think it is highly overrated for children, let alone toddlers. 

In this book of few words, the big brother gets tired of her new baby sister.  He gets a stool, gets her out of her crib, puts her in his wagon, then carts her down the street, trying to to give her away.  You read that right.  The little boy finally founds an older boy who, when asked if he knows of someone who might want a baby, replies: "Sure, my mom.  She loves babies."  So the little baby is taken to this random mom, who tries to make her happy when she starts fussing.  But it turns out that the little baby just wants her older brother, despite the fact that he just tried to cart her off to anyone who might want her.  He grudgingly accepts the compliment, only when he envisions his baby sister pulling him in the wagon one day.

I'm not a fan.  I sure don't want Lorelei to get any ideas of a) leaving the house without me, b) leaving the house with Ben in town, and c) thinking that it's funny or cool or smart to try and give away a family member.  It seems to me that this book perpetuates the sad myth of big siblings hating and resenting their younger siblings.  That's a myth that, personally, I'd like to stop.  Maybe that's just because I am a younger sibling!  I guess there's a chance that parents of older kids might find it amusing (the publisher says this book is appropriate for kids from 4 to 8), but...this book will not be part of my family's library.  Ever.

Arthur's Tractor: A Fairy Tale with Mechanical Parts by Pippa Goodhart

Arthur's Tractor: A Fairy Tale with Mechanical Parts by Pippa Goodhart

Rating: 2 stars

This is the most random children's books I've ever read. I thought it might be a whimsical mix of boy stuff (tractors) and girl stuff (princesses); as I've got one of each, maybe this was the perfect combo book?  Um, no.

Arthur is a pretty bad farmer who swears (creatively: "Oh, dollups of dung, the blim blam blade has broken!") every time his tractor breaks down. Meanwhile, in the background, without his noticing, a dragon threatens a princess, and a prince intervenes to save her. As the prince saves the princess, the tractor breaks down for the fourth time.  Arthur realizes he needs tools to fix his tractor, so he borrows the prince's sword, the dragon's fire, and the princess's scarf to get the job done.

Then he suddenly realizes there is a fair maiden behind him, and he starts hitting on her.

Without her uttering but three sentences, she accepts his proposal to live on his farm forever, and the prince and the dragon disappear as the sun sets and the new couple sits on Arthur's tractor together.
 
Oh my.

Curious George Rides a Bike by H.A. Rey

Curious George Rides a Bike by H.A. Rey

Rating: 2 stars

I'm all for old books, whether they are deemed classics or not.  But please don't check this book out.  If you do, your child will learn to:

1.  Play by herself in the front yard, near the street.

2.  Do "tricks" on a bike, such as riding without hands, riding on just the back wheel, and riding backwards.

3.  Go out into the street when the front yard/sidewalk got boring.

4.  Take a bag of newspapers from a stranger, a random paper boy, who wants help delivering papers (obviously George doesn't live in post-9/11 Washington DC where there'd be a bomb squad in seconds).

5.  Stop delivering said newspapers and make boats with the neighborhood's newspapers.

6.  Play near water by herself.

7.  Ride without a helmet (should have mentioned that first) and thus hit her head on a rock when front wheel hits a big one.

8.  Accept an invitation from TWO male strangers and GET INTO THEIR CAR to perform at a circus.

I am not making any of this up!  Go check out the book if you think I'm lying!  Obviously, the world was a little different, for both kids and monkey-pets, when the book was written in 1952.  There are so many incredible books that were written before 2000; this is not one of them.  Should I request that it be banned from our local library?  I guess not.

How Do Dinosaurs Say I Love You? by Jane Yolen

How Do Dinosaurs Say I Love You? by Jane Yolen, illustrated by Mark Teague

Rating: 2 stars

We are pretty crazy about dinosaurs in this house right now.  From my perch here at the computer, I can see five books of our very own and I know there are three more from the library in the library stack in the playroom.  After reading a dozen or more dinosaur books, I am a little confused about the role that they should take in kids books.  Should they be soft and cuddly like the triceratops in The Littlest Dinosaur, funny as can be like those in Dinos on the Go, cute but still pretty fierce like Dinosaurs Galore, fun playthings that sometimes come alive as pets like in Sammy and the Dinosaurs, or...pretty scary and huge and not-so-nice like in How Do Dinosaurs Say I Love You?

As you can see from my low rating, I don't think that Jane Yolen quite got it right this time.  This series of books is so popular--and this book in particular--that I am left scratching my head.  In this book, dinosaurs do a bunch of not-so-nice things like slap their parents hands, throw sand, mope through nap time, flood the house, and a bunch of other things that I'd prefer not Lorelei and Ben visualize.  Then, the parents forgive the dinosaurs when they blow kisses, or clean up, or hold their hand.  I am lucky to have kids who don't do all of those things (yet?!) and while of course I'd love them as they did all those things, I surely don't want to encourage it.

So I'm perplexed on this one.  Help!  Are they favorites in your house?  If so, what do you like about them (or what do your kids like about them)?  I just don't understand why every list I've ever found (practically) recommends this book!

Never, EVER Shout in a Zoo by Karma Wilson

Never, EVER Shout in a Zoo by Karma Wilson, illustrated by Doug Cushman

Rating: 2 stars

Lorelei just ran up to my husband and said "Don't say I didn't warn you!" He looked surprised, then looked at me, and I told him what book it is from--one of the many Karma Wilson books lying around, Never, EVER Shout in a Zoo. There are a few good lines like "Don't say I didn't warn you!" (but that's the best) in this book, and the illustrations are really fun.

BUT it might be a little scary for some little folk. I have to chuckle at myself as I type that...a preschooler book about a zoo that might be too scary? But there are some little ones in our life that are pretty sensitive to some things that you wouldn't quite expect. Here's the story: A little girl shouts in a zoo because her ice cream falls off her cone. This sad yell causes a huge stampede of animals that chase after her--think lions and zebras and apes and bats and foxes and bears chasing after a little 4 year old. The animals then shake the keys out of the zookeeper and lock up the little girl and the other humans in a cage. That might just MIGHT be a bit much for some little kids. Ok, now that I typed this I can understand why it really might be too scary for some kids.

The other BUT in this post/review is that, um, well, you might want to take this review with a grain of salt. Because the copy of the book we got from the library is, um, kind of missing the last page. So we don't know how it ends. I mean, it's pretty obvious--on the left-hand side of the page are three humans, locked up in the cage, glaring accusingly at the right-hand side of the page. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's the little girl with her empty ice cream cone. So let me know if you actually do read the book. Let me know how it ends! I'll be on the edge of my seat until then.

I'm a big, huge fan of Karma Wilson, but this is definitely my least favorite book of hers. Oh well--I guess they all can't be fantastic!